By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
