I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
