I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
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