i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
