3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
