Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
