I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
