My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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