Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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