There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
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