Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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