That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
