Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
