K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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