You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
