11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
