His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
