the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
