just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
