Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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