My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I am midnight drunk by noon
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
