so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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