Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
