I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She told me I should be a condom model.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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