Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
