***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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