Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
