Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
