I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
