careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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