he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
