I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
