I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
