Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I need to align my fucking chakras
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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