He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
