So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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