He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Randomize
