take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My penis needs a shock collar
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
