Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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