i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
