I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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