I can't watch pbs sober anymore
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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