I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We left the knife in your bed.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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