No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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