Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize