ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize