Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
