i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
