I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
