There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
