My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
