There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize