just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize