New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
soo... how was my night?
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