I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i believe in u and ur pee
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
