Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
