More tranny stories later!
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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