so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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