I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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