Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
