i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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