So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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