I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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