Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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