this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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