does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
