Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
is that a dick in a sweater?
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