Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
