wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
